*tear

I am sad. Like sad sad. I seem to be crying a fair bit. I came home and found another of my fish was dying… this makes it 3 in a week… I have not done anything… There is no reason they are sick… They just keep dying. I guess that happens with fish… but still, I am sad.

My mother rang this afternoon. There is a really long story to this but I will cut it short and also loose the really personal stuff. Last time I spoke to my mother it was near the end of the sudo-divorce thing that was happening and I told her I agreed with my dad and that she had a fairly large issue that I believe she needs help with. She didn’t quite take the constructive criticism as it was meant and basically told me to f* off and stay out of her life. So, I have.

I got a phone call from her on Monday, the day Pippa passed, having a teary to me. I know she only called me because no one else was answering their phones and she needs to be the centre of every drama. There was no apology. No mention of the fact we were never meant to be talking again. Just her crying and talking about how she HAD to go to Big Bro’s house and how SHE felt.

She then called this afternoon talking about her 50th birthday on Friday. There was still no apology or mention of THAT night so I made the conversation short and sweet and hung up as soon as I could.

I then went in to check on my sick fish and it looks like there will be no recovery… I thought he might have just had a muscle spasm or something as he was kind of folded over swimming sideways but now he is just sitting on the bottom barely able to move.

Big Bro just rang. I we spoke about Pippa for a bit which got me crying. I then told him that we have signed our house up with an agent to be rented. He then went on to tell me what a bad idea he thinks it is and that he has two friends who have tenants in their houses who are behind on rent and rarara. I know he was just trying to give me advice as all good Big Bro’s should but I just am not in the mood for it. I went through enough shit buying the house “so far out of the city” (YOU TRY BEING A 19 YEAR OLD AND BUYING A HOUSE! TRY FINDING SOMETHING IN THE CBD IN YOUR PRICE RANGE – NOT F*KING LIKELY!) All I want right now is a “congratulations” or a “you have done a great job” or god forbid a “we are proud of you” I guess that’s what family is for hey…..

Tomorrow will be better…. Maybe I will get a puppy and a little ring for my left hand. Then all will be ok J I like to dream.